PARIS – “I thought I was as exhausted, and isolated, and neglected as I could get, and then he came home.”
Those were the words of Kate Washington, PhD, from Sacramento as she gave a moving account of the immense burden she felt as caregiver to her husband with cancer.
She was taking part in the session, “I am FINE: Frustrated * Isolated * Neglected * Emotional,” at the annual meeting of the European Society for Medical Oncology. In that session,
Dr. Washington, author of “Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America” (Boston: Beacon Press, 2021), explained that she cared for her husband and young family while he was “suffering through two different kinds of lymphoma and really devastating stem cell transplants.”
When her husband was first diagnosed with a rare form of lymphoma in 2015, he was placed on a watch-and-wait protocol. At that point, he seemed fine, Dr. Washington said.
A few months later, he started coughing up blood. After being rushed to the emergency department, doctors found that a slow-growing lung tumor had ruptured.
Three weeks later, he came out of the hospital with a collapsed lung – an effect of his chemotherapy, Dr. Washington said.
But that was hardly the last word. He soon experienced relapse with a “very aggressive” form of his disease, and in 2016, he underwent a stem cell transplant.
“He spent 1½ months in the hospital ... in isolation, not seeing our daughters,” Dr. Washington said. He lost his vision and developed grade 4 graft-versus-host disease, among other problems.
He was alive, just barely, Dr. Washington said.
“As you might imagine, I was pulled between the hospital and the home, taking care of our daughters, who were not seeing him during that time,” she recalled.
But every time someone asked her whether she was okay, she replied: “I am fine.”
“A total lie,” she admitted.
Dr. Washington felt frustrated, not only from the financial strain of out-of-pocket health care costs and lost earnings but also from fast evolving relationships and a feeling of being “unseen and underappreciated.”
Another jarring change: When her husband was discharged from the hospital, Dr. Washington was suddenly thrust into the role of full-time caretaker.
Her husband could not be left alone, his doctor had said. And with two young children, Dr. Washington did not know how she would manage.
The demands of being a full-time caregiver are intense. Caregivers, Dr. Washington explained, can spend 32 hours a week looking after a loved one with cancer.
Like Dr. Washington, most caregivers feel they have no choice but to take on this intense role – one for which they have little or no training or preparation. The nonstop demands leave little time for self-care and can lead to high rates of caregiver injury and illness.
Isolation often creeps in because it can be “hard to ask for help,” she said. About 30% of caregivers report having depression or anxiety, and 21% feel lonely.
“When he was very ill, I found it really difficult to connect with other people and my friends,” Dr. Washington recalled. “I didn’t feel like I could really adequately explain the kind of strain that I was under.”