Is Parenthood Losing Its Appeal?

A recent survey by the Pew Research Center has found that among adults younger than 50, the percentage who say they are unlikely to have children rose from 37% to 47%. With this trend freshly etched in my consciousness, I stumbled across an interview with Anastasia Berg, an assistant professor of philosophy at the University of California, Irvine. Professor Berg and Rachel Wiseman have just published What Are Children For? On Ambivalence and Choice. How could a pediatrician with time on his hands ignore a provocative title like that?

I was immediately drawn to Professor Berg’s observations about the “concerns, anxieties, and lines of reasoning people encounter when considering whether or not they should have children.” Prior to the 1960s, motherhood seemed to just be a natural progression from marriage. That’s the way my wife and I approached it when we had our first child while I was in my last year of medical school in 1971. There was no discussion of the pros and cons, except maybe that financially waiting until the eve of my first professional paycheck seemed to make sense.

However, as Professor Berg points out, from the 1960s up until well into the 1980s, as feminist thought gained a higher profile, there were anti-motherhood factions. There were others who wanted to see motherhood reformed and adapted so it “could once again be a legitimate source of meaning and value in life.” However, both camps agreed that the choice to have children was a decision that “women should make completely on their own.”

Now, well into the new millennium, we are looking at a completely different landscape. In the past, having children was woven into the fabric of human life in which we had a past, a present, and a role in creating the future. Professor Berg observes that currently, having children is often considered a project, not unlike our other projects such as “career choice or travel plans.” What are the pluses and minuses?

The Pew Survey found that 60% of adults younger than 50 who don’t have children said that not having children made it less difficult to be successful and have an active social life. Many felt that being a parent would improve the chances of having someone to care for you as you aged.

When my wife and I considered the financial costs of motherhood more than 50 years ago, our calculation was primarily about the timing. The decision to have a second child focused our concern around our ability to balance our attention between two siblings. A third child just sorta happened without any discussion.

Professor Berg echoes the Pew findings when she observes that currently woman are considering the cost in terms of their identities. Will motherhood transform me? Will there be a cost not only to my career but also to all the associations, interests, and activities I have accumulated? These costs are likely to be greater the longer the decision to have a child is put off. She adds that viewing motherhood as a transformation can make the decision to have children scarier than it needs to be. My wife and I, at age 26 and 27, were still in the early stages of building our identities. My wife had a 2-year college degree and no career plans on the horizon. Having a child was one of those things that was built into who we became.

But to compare our experiences in the 1970s to the realities of the first quarter of the 21st century ignores the concerns facing today’s adults who are facing the cloud of uncertainty hanging over all of us. Despite their claims to fix the situation, both sides of the political spectrum are leveraging fear to gain our support. Even climate change skeptics must have some concern in the spate of natural disasters we are experiencing. Not to mention the pandemic. Anxiety in this country is at an all time high. Optimism doesn’t seem to fit into today’s journalists’ lexicon, as they chose to focus on conflict instead of cooperation. It’s hard to question any adult who harbors serious doubts on taking on the challenge of parenthood and bringing a child into a world that feels unsettled.

However, based on her research and her own experience as a parent, Professor Berg offers some advice. She encourages people to think and discuss the decision to have children earlier in their life trajectory, before they have made decisions that may eventually limit their options. Second, she discourages making a list of pros and cons. Finally, she advises taking a long view and ask yourself whether you “choose to take a direct part in ushering in the next generation.”

Sounds like advice that will optimize the chances of making the good decision about having a child. I’m just thankful to have lived at time and in a situation when having child was just the thing most married couples did.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” Other than a Littman stethoscope he accepted as a first-year medical student in 1966, Dr. Wilkoff reports having nothing to disclose. Email him at pdnews@mdedge.com.

A recent survey by the Pew Research Center has found that among adults younger than 50, the percentage who say they are unlikely to have children rose from 37% to 47%. With this trend freshly etched in my consciousness, I stumbled across an interview with Anastasia Berg, an assistant professor of philosophy at the University of California, Irvine. Professor Berg and Rachel Wiseman have just published What Are Children For? On Ambivalence and Choice. How could a pediatrician with time on his hands ignore a provocative title like that?

I was immediately drawn to Professor Berg’s observations about the “concerns, anxieties, and lines of reasoning people encounter when considering whether or not they should have children.” Prior to the 1960s, motherhood seemed to just be a natural progression from marriage. That’s the way my wife and I approached it when we had our first child while I was in my last year of medical school in 1971. There was no discussion of the pros and cons, except maybe that financially waiting until the eve of my first professional paycheck seemed to make sense.

However, as Professor Berg points out, from the 1960s up until well into the 1980s, as feminist thought gained a higher profile, there were anti-motherhood factions. There were others who wanted to see motherhood reformed and adapted so it “could once again be a legitimate source of meaning and value in life.” However, both camps agreed that the choice to have children was a decision that “women should make completely on their own.”

Now, well into the new millennium, we are looking at a completely different landscape. In the past, having children was woven into the fabric of human life in which we had a past, a present, and a role in creating the future. Professor Berg observes that currently, having children is often considered a project, not unlike our other projects such as “career choice or travel plans.” What are the pluses and minuses?

The Pew Survey found that 60% of adults younger than 50 who don’t have children said that not having children made it less difficult to be successful and have an active social life. Many felt that being a parent would improve the chances of having someone to care for you as you aged.

When my wife and I considered the financial costs of motherhood more than 50 years ago, our calculation was primarily about the timing. The decision to have a second child focused our concern around our ability to balance our attention between two siblings. A third child just sorta happened without any discussion.

Professor Berg echoes the Pew findings when she observes that currently woman are considering the cost in terms of their identities. Will motherhood transform me? Will there be a cost not only to my career but also to all the associations, interests, and activities I have accumulated? These costs are likely to be greater the longer the decision to have a child is put off. She adds that viewing motherhood as a transformation can make the decision to have children scarier than it needs to be. My wife and I, at age 26 and 27, were still in the early stages of building our identities. My wife had a 2-year college degree and no career plans on the horizon. Having a child was one of those things that was built into who we became.

But to compare our experiences in the 1970s to the realities of the first quarter of the 21st century ignores the concerns facing today’s adults who are facing the cloud of uncertainty hanging over all of us. Despite their claims to fix the situation, both sides of the political spectrum are leveraging fear to gain our support. Even climate change skeptics must have some concern in the spate of natural disasters we are experiencing. Not to mention the pandemic. Anxiety in this country is at an all time high. Optimism doesn’t seem to fit into today’s journalists’ lexicon, as they chose to focus on conflict instead of cooperation. It’s hard to question any adult who harbors serious doubts on taking on the challenge of parenthood and bringing a child into a world that feels unsettled.

However, based on her research and her own experience as a parent, Professor Berg offers some advice. She encourages people to think and discuss the decision to have children earlier in their life trajectory, before they have made decisions that may eventually limit their options. Second, she discourages making a list of pros and cons. Finally, she advises taking a long view and ask yourself whether you “choose to take a direct part in ushering in the next generation.”

Sounds like advice that will optimize the chances of making the good decision about having a child. I’m just thankful to have lived at time and in a situation when having child was just the thing most married couples did.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” Other than a Littman stethoscope he accepted as a first-year medical student in 1966, Dr. Wilkoff reports having nothing to disclose. Email him at pdnews@mdedge.com.

A recent survey by the Pew Research Center has found that among adults younger than 50, the percentage who say they are unlikely to have children rose from 37% to 47%. With this trend freshly etched in my consciousness, I stumbled across an interview with Anastasia Berg, an assistant professor of philosophy at the University of California, Irvine. Professor Berg and Rachel Wiseman have just published What Are Children For? On Ambivalence and Choice. How could a pediatrician with time on his hands ignore a provocative title like that?

I was immediately drawn to Professor Berg’s observations about the “concerns, anxieties, and lines of reasoning people encounter when considering whether or not they should have children.” Prior to the 1960s, motherhood seemed to just be a natural progression from marriage. That’s the way my wife and I approached it when we had our first child while I was in my last year of medical school in 1971. There was no discussion of the pros and cons, except maybe that financially waiting until the eve of my first professional paycheck seemed to make sense.

However, as Professor Berg points out, from the 1960s up until well into the 1980s, as feminist thought gained a higher profile, there were anti-motherhood factions. There were others who wanted to see motherhood reformed and adapted so it “could once again be a legitimate source of meaning and value in life.” However, both camps agreed that the choice to have children was a decision that “women should make completely on their own.”

Now, well into the new millennium, we are looking at a completely different landscape. In the past, having children was woven into the fabric of human life in which we had a past, a present, and a role in creating the future. Professor Berg observes that currently, having children is often considered a project, not unlike our other projects such as “career choice or travel plans.” What are the pluses and minuses?

The Pew Survey found that 60% of adults younger than 50 who don’t have children said that not having children made it less difficult to be successful and have an active social life. Many felt that being a parent would improve the chances of having someone to care for you as you aged.

When my wife and I considered the financial costs of motherhood more than 50 years ago, our calculation was primarily about the timing. The decision to have a second child focused our concern around our ability to balance our attention between two siblings. A third child just sorta happened without any discussion.

Professor Berg echoes the Pew findings when she observes that currently woman are considering the cost in terms of their identities. Will motherhood transform me? Will there be a cost not only to my career but also to all the associations, interests, and activities I have accumulated? These costs are likely to be greater the longer the decision to have a child is put off. She adds that viewing motherhood as a transformation can make the decision to have children scarier than it needs to be. My wife and I, at age 26 and 27, were still in the early stages of building our identities. My wife had a 2-year college degree and no career plans on the horizon. Having a child was one of those things that was built into who we became.

But to compare our experiences in the 1970s to the realities of the first quarter of the 21st century ignores the concerns facing today’s adults who are facing the cloud of uncertainty hanging over all of us. Despite their claims to fix the situation, both sides of the political spectrum are leveraging fear to gain our support. Even climate change skeptics must have some concern in the spate of natural disasters we are experiencing. Not to mention the pandemic. Anxiety in this country is at an all time high. Optimism doesn’t seem to fit into today’s journalists’ lexicon, as they chose to focus on conflict instead of cooperation. It’s hard to question any adult who harbors serious doubts on taking on the challenge of parenthood and bringing a child into a world that feels unsettled.

However, based on her research and her own experience as a parent, Professor Berg offers some advice. She encourages people to think and discuss the decision to have children earlier in their life trajectory, before they have made decisions that may eventually limit their options. Second, she discourages making a list of pros and cons. Finally, she advises taking a long view and ask yourself whether you “choose to take a direct part in ushering in the next generation.”

Sounds like advice that will optimize the chances of making the good decision about having a child. I’m just thankful to have lived at time and in a situation when having child was just the thing most married couples did.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” Other than a Littman stethoscope he accepted as a first-year medical student in 1966, Dr. Wilkoff reports having nothing to disclose. Email him at pdnews@mdedge.com.